I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So vagazzling was a success
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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