I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
