Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
