the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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