Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
