Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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