It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
