i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
