I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
