i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
