dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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