i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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