Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
