I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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