sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
