My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
