So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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