two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
