I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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