I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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