That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
