hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
