She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
