bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
