So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
