I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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