so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
