bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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