I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
its liver damage thursday
Randomize