After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
