PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
