He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
