It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
