My room smells like vodka and shame
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
