imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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