There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
