People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize