Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
