I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize