You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
