I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
