i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
