I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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