I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
