I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize