my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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