oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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