Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
