I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
