Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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