She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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