Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
