you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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