Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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