your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
