tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
