Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
