looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
