Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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