Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
