Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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