Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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