i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
