you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
