$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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