Your dad touched me again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
