its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
