I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
