He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize