Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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