I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
