i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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