saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
