I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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