Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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