I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
