I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize